Coconuts
by Xelphina
Summary: Rated PG for slight language. Ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail?
1. Coconuts: What's a Monty Python?

Coconuts!  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Slayers or Monty Python! I just think they're really cool!  
  
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Amelia: *Is heard laughing from the living room* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...  
  
Lina: *Trying to sleep* Grrrrr...  
  
Amelia: ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...  
  
Lina: *Still trying to sleep* Die...  
  
Amelia: ...HAHAHAHAHA-*Takes a breathe* -HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  
  
Lina: *Sits up* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! WHAT'S SO GOD DAMMED FUNNY?!? *Storms into the living room*  
  
Amelia: ...Heeheehee...Good morning Miss Lina! Did you sleep well?  
  
Lina: DID I SLEEP WELL?!? YOUR FREAKIN LAUGHTER WOKE ME UP!!!  
  
Amelia: Whoops, sorry...*Blush*  
  
Lina: *Cooling down* Why were you laughing so hard anyway?  
  
Amelia: Er...um...nothing!  
  
Lina: Amelia, don't lie, 'cause you suck at it...  
  
Amelia: Fine! If it helps to know, I'm watching a funny movie! Happy?  
  
Lina: A funny movie, huh? What's it called?  
  
Amelia: Monty Python and the Holy Grail!  
  
Lina: What's a Monty Python?  
  
Amelia: I dunno...Maybe you should watch it and find out?  
  
Lina: Well, ok! BUT I'M HUNGRY!!!  
  
Sylphiel (Why am I putting her in this story? I don't even LIKE Sylphiel! She's waaaaaaay to "I'm-a-helpless-girl-with-a-tragic-loss" Kinda person...Oh, I know why! I'M INSANE! No, DERANGED! When you're deranged, you tend to just stick random people wherever you want, even if you don't like them!...Go figure...): Breakfast will be ready soon!  
  
Lina: *Glued to the tube* Uh-Hum...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*LATER*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Amelia + Lina: BAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Lina: *Turns off T.V.* Hee hee hee, that was FUNNY!!!  
  
Gourry + Zelgadis: *Both come walking downstairs yawning, stretching, ect.*  
  
Gourry: I heard laughing, what's going on?  
  
Lina: *Wipes away a tear* Hee hee...nothing!  
  
Zelgadis: Riiiiiiight...  
  
Amelia: We-  
  
Sylphiel: -BREAKFAST!!!  
  
Gourry: Alright, FOOD!  
  
Lina: Later Zel, FOOOOOD!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~At the Breakfast Table*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lina: HURRY UP! I'M STARVING!!!  
  
Gourry: *Drooling* Foooooooooooooooooood...  
  
Zelgadis: *Watching Gourry* Amusing...  
  
Amelia: So, Miss Sylphiel, what's for breakfast?  
  
Sylphiel: Well, I decided to try something exotic for once, so, I prepared Coconuts!  
  
Amelia + Lina: ...Coconuts?...  
  
Zelgadis: This ought to be interesting.  
  
Gourry: What's a Pogohut?  
  
Amelia + Lina: ...HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Zelgadis + Gourry: 0.0!!!  
  
Zelgadis: What the...  
  
Gourry: How do you spell that?  
  
Sylphiel: Did I-Did I do something wrong?  
  
Lina: Hahahahahaha, nope! Hee hee hee hee heeeee...  
  
Amelia: You're using Coconuts!  
  
Sylphiel: What?  
  
Amelia + Lina: *Fall out of their chairs* BUAH- HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHA!!!!!  
  
Zelgadis: *Looks into his cup of coffee*.*Cautiously sets it down*  
  
Lina: *Calms down a bit* Where'd you get the Coconuts?  
  
Sylphiel: This may sound sort of funny, but, I found them.  
  
Lina: Found them? In Sayruun? The Coconut's tropical!  
  
Sylphiel: Wha-What do you mean?  
  
Amelia: Well, this is a Temperate Zone.  
  
Sylphiel: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land? (Don't ask me how she knew what to say, it could be coincidental.)  
  
Amelia + Lina: (Instead of typing out all those "H's" and "A's", I'm just gonna have it be an action.) *Laugh Insanely*  
  
Lina: Are you suggesting Coconuts migrate?  
  
Sylphiel: I'm getting confused now...  
  
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A/N: YAY! Should I continue the "Coconut Rampage" in another fic or leave it as it is? (I think you might have needed to see "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" to understand this. If you haven't, I HIGHLY suggest you rent it!) Oh, yeah! You may have noticed that the Slayers owned a T.V.! Just to let you know, I gave it to them. That's the ONLY reason they have it! ...So...What did you think? I'd appreciate reviews, but NO FLAMES please. Tank-Ku! Buh-Byez! 


	2. Coconuts: Chapter 2 Old Woman, er Man?

Coconuts: Chapter 2!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own the Slayers or Monty Python. I also don't own the "Bed, Bath and Beyond" store...  
  
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After breakfast (And after Lina and Amelia's laughing had stopped) the Slayers group decided to head into town...  
  
Zelgadis: *Warily eyeing an old book store* I'll be right back. Don't get into TOO much trouble.  
  
Lina: *Sweatdrop* Now what would make you think that?  
  
Zelgadis: *Sighs and heads off to the book store*  
  
Amelia: Right then!  
  
Gourry: Hey, who's that?  
  
Amelia: I don't know, I've never seen them before, maybe it's a friend of my daddy's...  
  
Lina: *Walks up behind the person* Old woman!  
  
Person: Man!  
  
Lina: ...Man. Sorry. Do you know the king of Sayruun? He lives in that castle over there.  
  
Person: I'm thirty-seven!  
  
Lina: I-- What?  
  
Person: I'm thirty-seven. I'm not old.  
  
Amelia: *Starts to laugh uncontrollably*  
  
Lina: Well, I can't just call you "man".  
  
Person: Well, you could say "Dennis".  
  
Lina: Well, I didn't know you were called "Dennis".  
  
Dennis: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? (I'm copying this out of the script and just happened to notice that the people like the word "Well" a lot.)  
  
Gourry: What a strange conversation!  
  
Amelia: *Still having a laughing fit*  
  
Lina: I did say "sorry" about the "old woman", but from the behind you looked--  
  
Dennis: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!  
  
Lina: Heh heh heh... Well, I AM Lina Inverse after all!  
  
Dennis: Oh Lina Inverse, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the--  
  
Lina: GRRRRRRRRRR!!! WHAT'D YOU SAY?!?  
  
Amelia: *Stops laughing* Uh-Oh...  
  
Gourry: ???  
  
Lina: Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows...  
  
Zelgadis: *Looking very depressed* I'm back- Lina?  
  
Gourry: HEAD FOR THE HILLS! *Runs like bloody hell*  
  
Amelia: *Restraining a fuming Lina* LINAAAA! You're gonna blow up my daddy's kingdom!!!  
  
Lina: Lemme at 'em!!!  
  
Dennis: 0.0!!!  
  
Sylphiel: *Comes walking out of a "Bed, Bath and Beyond" store* What's going on?  
  
Zelgadis + Amelia: *Now both holding back Lina*  
  
Zelgadis: Lina's trying to cast the Dragon Slave!  
  
Sylphiel: Oh, my!  
  
Zelgadis: I've had enough! *Hits Lina over the top of her head*  
  
Lina: *Has swirly eyes and is unconscious* Derrrrrrrr...  
  
Gourry: *Pokes his head around the side of a gigantic building* Is it over?  
  
Dennis: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....I'll just be going now! *Gets his friggin ass outta there*  
  
Zelgadis: *Sighs* I think we'd better head home now...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~Walking Home~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Amelia: Hey, what's that sound?  
  
Zelgadis: *Listens* It sounds like a sword fight! *He hears a sudden "GAHH!" then sees a dude wearing black armor come out of a nearby forest and stand in front of the trail that leads back to their house* Hmmm...  
  
Amelia: *Goes over to the guy in black armor* Who are you?  
  
Black Night: *Silence* .....  
  
All: *Staring at the Black Knight*  
  
Gourry: Heeeeeeellllllllllllllllooooooooo!!! *Knocks on the Black Knights helmet*  
  
Black Knight: *Silence*.....  
  
Amelia: Oh well, let's go home!  
  
Black Knight: None shall pass.  
  
Sylphiel: What?  
  
Black Knight: None shall pass.  
  
Zelgadis: We have to get home! In order to get home we've got to take this path!  
  
Black Knight: Then you shall die!  
  
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A/N: I don't think it's as funny as the last one, but I promise the next one will be better! R&R please but NO FLAMES! Tank-Ku, Buh-Byez! 


	3. Coconuts: Chapter 3 The Black Knight

Coconuts: Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: Aren't these things annoying? I obviously don't own the Slayers or Monty Python. I also don't own anything else I stick into my screwed up fics that are copyrighted.  
  
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Recap: The Slayers decided to take a trip into town where they met a weird guy named Dennis. After Lina threw a little fit, the group turned and headed home. On the way there they met up with a Black Knight who had a REALLY sucky attitude and wouldn't let them pass him. (Oh yeah, Lina woke up after she was doused half to death with water Amelia just happened to have on hand.)...  
  
Zelgadis: MOVE OR I'LL RAW TILT YOU TO HELL!!!  
  
Black Knight: I move for no man.  
  
Zelgadis: *Frustrated (...Um, DUH!)* So be it! *Draws his sword* (I bet you're wondering why I'm making Zel do this, aren't you! It's because Gourry wouldn't fit the script! I'm assuming this is what K Okamu suspected?)  
  
Lina + Amelia: *Look at each other. Sweatdrop*  
  
Zelgadis and the Black Knight duke it out in one of those funky anime style sword fights. You know, the kind where you bounce all over the place and blurt out cheesy monologues. "You will face my wrath, blah blah blah!" Eventually Zelgadis takes a hit and chops off one of the Black Knights arms.  
  
Zelgadis: Now stand aside!  
  
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.  
  
Gourry: A scratch? Your arm's off!  
  
Black Knight: *Looks at his...er..."Stub"* No, it isn't.  
  
Sylphiel: Well, what's that then? *Points at the limp arm on the ground*  
  
Black Night: *Looks at where Sylphiel is pointing* I've had worse.  
  
Lina: You liar!  
  
Black Knight: *Says to Zelgadis* Come on, you pansy!  
  
Yay! More sword clangin'! Blah blah blah...Zel manages to hack off the Black Knight's OTHER arm!  
  
Zelgadis: Victory is mine! *Kneels* Thank L-sama--  
  
Black Knight: Hah! *Kicks Zel* Come on then.  
  
Zelgadis: What?  
  
Black Knight: Have at you! *Kicks Zel again*  
  
Zelgadis: You're very brave, but the fight is mine.  
  
Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?  
  
Zelgadis: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.  
  
Black Knight: Yes I have.  
  
Zelgadis: LOOK! *Points at the Black Knight's previously attached arms*  
  
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound. *Kicks Zel AGAIN*  
  
Zelgadis: Look, stop that.  
  
Black Knight: Chicken! *Kicks Zel* Chickennn!  
  
Zelgadis: Look, I'll have your leg. *Kicks the Black Knight* Right! *Kicks him again and chops off one of his legs*  
  
Black Knight: Right. I'll do you for that!  
  
Zelgadis: You'll what?  
  
Black Knight: Come here!  
  
Zelgadis: What are you going to do, bleed on me?  
  
Black Knight: I'm invincible!  
  
Zelgadis: You're a looney.  
  
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then. *Kicks Zel*  
  
Zelgadis: *Chops off the Black Knight's last remaining limb*  
  
Black Knight: Ooh. All right, we'll call it a draw.  
  
Zelgadis: I'm GLAD that's over! Come on guys.  
  
Black Knight: Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!  
  
Zelgadis: *Looks back* Oh, come off it...  
  
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A/N: I hope this is better than the last one. I promise the next one will have A LOT more Coconuts in it! (That is, after MCMT...) Erm, please R&R and no flames. Tank-Ku! Buh-Byez! :P 


	4. Coconuts: Chapter 4 Big Guys w Big Guns

Coconuts: Chapter 4  
  
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Recap: Zelgadis beat the Black Knight at a sword fight...so now everybody can go home...right? (Quick A/N: I'm gonna hafta go off the script in this chapter so I can get everything ready for the next one...)  
  
Lina + Amelia: *Secretly discussing the Strange "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" coincidences...*  
  
Lina: *Whispering* It's so weird, I mean, all we did was watch it...right?  
  
Amelia: *Also whispering* Well, it is pretty unusual...  
  
Lina: *Blurts out* PRETTY unusual?!?  
  
Minna, San Amelia: *Stare at Lina*  
  
Zelgadis: Pardon?  
  
Gourry: *In Jellyfish Mode* .....  
  
Lina: Um, nothing...really!  
  
Sylphiel: Miss Lina, are you feeling ok?  
  
Lina: Uhhh...*Sweatdrop* I'm fine, thank you...  
  
Sylphiel: Oh, ok-  
  
Guy With A Heavy Narrating Voice: -Ahem! We interrupt this program to bring you "Courage, the Cowardly Dog Show", starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog! Abandoned as a pup-  
  
Lina: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?  
  
GWAHNV (I love doing that): I'm doing what's in the script!  
  
Gourry: *Clicks outta Jellyfish Mode* Who's this guy?  
  
A purple dog comes walking across the screen, grabs the GWAHNV, and then leaves...  
  
Amelia: Oh...My...  
  
Lina: Will this madness ever end?!?  
  
Cricket: Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!  
  
Lina: ;_; ...Noooooooooooooooooooooo!...  
  
Suddenly, five midgets wearing Zebra suits and hopping on Pogo Sticks come bouncing up! They quickly nab Lina and bounce off with her. (I also love doing that!)  
  
Minna: O.O?!?  
  
They all tried to convince themselves the previous thing did not happen and, once again, continued home.  
  
Gourry: Hm? What's this? *Strays away from the group*  
  
Sylphiel: Huh? Where did Dear Gourry go?  
  
Zelgadis: Great! First Lina, now Gourry! *Sighs* He probably got lost...  
  
Sylphiel: Oh no!  
  
Amelia: Not again...  
  
Zelgadis: *Stomach growls* ...Hey Sylphiel! You don't happen to have any coconuts on you, do you?  
  
Sylphiel: o.0!!! PERVERT! *Slap*  
  
Amelia: ZELGADIS!  
  
Zelgadis: Owwwww...I didn't mean it like THAT!  
  
Sylphiel: *Blush* Oops...  
  
Zelgadis: Sheesh!  
  
They all get home safely, but are surprised to see who's there waiting for them...  
  
Amelia: Eek! Who are you and what are you doing in our house?!?  
  
Strange Guy Wearing Black: *Steps forward* The name's Bond, James Bond. I'm sorry, but I wasn't aware that this was your house. The reason I'm here is to ask you some questions...  
  
Zelgadis: Questions?  
  
James Bond: Yes.  
  
Sylphiel: I'm not sure we'll be of any help to you, but, ok.  
  
James Bond: Right! Ok, do you know anything about the Trident Project?  
  
Minna, San James Bond: No...  
  
James Bond: And I suppose you've never heard of Arthur Schwartz from Zurich?  
  
Minna, San James Bond: Um...  
  
James Bond: What were you doing this morning at 10:17?  
  
Amelia: Eating coconuts...  
  
James Bond: AH-HA! So you admit to your sinister doing!  
  
Zelgadis: Just what's so sinister about eating Coconuts?!?  
  
James Bond: You sick little man!  
  
Zelgadis: I didn't mean it like that!!!  
  
James Bond: You disgust me! Men, take him away!  
  
Two big bulky guys, also wearing black and carrying VERY big guns, come out of the shadows and drag Zel away.  
  
Zelgadis: YOU CAN DO THIS TO MEEEE!  
  
James Bond: Well, I've done my job. *Leaves*  
  
Amelia + Sylphiel: .....  
  
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A/N: Heh, very screwed up, no? R&R please, but NO flames! I'll continue the original script in the next chapter! 


	5. Coconuts: MCMT The Magick 8Ball!

Coconuts: Mini Chibi Magickal Theatre  
  
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Lord of Nightmares (AKA LoN or L-sama): Hello! For some strange and unknown reason, the author of this story, Xelphina, has decided to bring you a special bonus episode of "Coconuts"! I welcome you to the Slayers Mini Chibi Magickal Theatre! I'm your kinda-but-not-so-really host! Before our show begins I'd like you to meet our friendly employees! Over at the Snack Bar we have Dynast serving delicious treats and beverages.  
  
Dynast: Anybody wanna Snow Cone?  
  
LoN: And over at our Merchandise booth we have Zelas bribing young, pennyless teens into buying helluva expensive jewelry!  
  
Zelas: Hey!  
  
LoN: You will be personally escorted to your seat by none other than our Kawaii little Hellmaster, Phibriso!  
  
Phibriso: What the F*** am I wearing?!?  
  
LoN: *Sweatdrop* If you have any questions about the theatre or perhaps get lost, please talk to Deep Sea Dolphin (AKA Deep Sea or Dolphin), our Historian! She has created several kopiis of herself so she shouldn't be that hard to find!  
  
Dolphin: *Singing* Who lives in a Pineapple under the sea?...  
  
LoN: I must also inform you of our security line. If there is any mischief afoot or fighting outbreaks, you will be kicked out of the theatre. I warn you to refrain from doing this due to the fact that our guard is Gaav!  
  
Gaav: Grrrrrrrrr...  
  
LoN: While the show is in action, all of our booths and bars will be closed. You may access those before the show, after the show, or during our Intermission only! The show is going to begin soon, I suggest you get seated.  
  
Phibriso: Follow me!  
  
Phibriso shows you to your seat. You've got a very good spot and it's right up front, but can't help notice it's labeled Seat #13. There are many people already in the room waiting.  
  
LoN: *Steps into the middle of the stage* I want to thank you all for coming to today's Mini Chibi Magickal Theatre presentation! The show you will be seeing is called "The Magick Mazoku 8-ball" performed by our very own Dark Lords! Thank you and enjoy the show!  
  
The lights dim and the Curtains rise...  
  
Little Chibi Dolphin: *Is sitting in the corner of the stage with her hands clasped around a small object*  
  
Little Chibi Phibriso: *Walks on* Whatcha doin' sis?  
  
Chibi Dolphin: I'm playing with my Magick 8-Ball!  
  
Chibi Phibriso: How does it work?  
  
Chibi Dolphin: You ask it a question and shake it. After you do that, a little message appears with your answer. You can only ask it "Yes" or "No" questions though...  
  
Chibi Phibriso: Cool! Can I see it?  
  
Chibi Dolphin: Sure! *Gives it to Phibriso*  
  
Chibi Phibriso: Hmmmmm...  
  
Little Chibi Gaav: *Walks on*  
  
Chibi Phibriso: Is Gaav a big-fat-stinky-bozo? *Shakes the 8-Ball*  
  
Chibi Gaav: Huh?  
  
8-Ball: Yes  
  
Chibi Phibriso: Hee hee!  
  
Chibi Gaav: What was that for?  
  
Little Chibi Zelas: *Walks on* Entertain me! *Stops short* Hm? Whatcha guys doin'?  
  
Chibi Gaav: Yes, what ARE you going?  
  
Little Chibi Dynast: *Walk on* They're playing with a Magick 8-Ball!  
  
Chibi Zelas: Oooooooooooooooh! Gimme!  
  
Chibi Phibriso: *Hands it to her*  
  
Chibi Zelas: Am I the most beautiful person in the whole universe?  
  
8-Ball: No  
  
Chibi Zelas: 0.0! WHAT?!?  
  
All Chibi Dark Lords, San Zelas: Hee hee hee!  
  
Chibi Gaav: Lemme see it! *Snatches it from Zelas* Is Phibby a spoiled little brat?  
  
8-Ball: Yes  
  
Chibi Phibriso: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
Chibi Dolphin: Give it back! It's mine!  
  
Chibi Gaav: NO!  
  
Chibi Dynast: Hey, I haven't seen it yet!  
  
Chibi Zelas: *Blink , blink* I AM pretty! That's it! I'm suing the creators!  
  
Chibi Dolphin: I WANT MY MAGICKAL 8-BALL! WAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Chibi Dynast: I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET!  
  
Chibi Gaav: EVERYBODY STOP YELLING!!!  
  
Chibi Dynast: *Tackles Chibi Gaav* GIVE IT!  
  
Chibi Gaav: NOOOOO!  
  
Chibi Phibriso: I WANT IT! *Pig Piles on Chibi Gaav and Dynast*  
  
Chibi Zelas: GIMME! *Joins the Pig Pile*  
  
Chibi Dolphin: It's MIIIIIIIIIIIINE! *Sits on top of them all*  
  
Chibi Gaav: ...You're...crushing...me!...  
  
8-Ball: *Breaks*  
  
Chibi Gaav: *Pushes all the other Chibi Dark Lords off of him* Now look what happened! You made it break! AND THERE'S DARK LIQUIDY STUFF ALL OVER MY ORANGE TRENCHCOAT!!!  
  
Chibi Dolphin: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
All Chibi Dark Lords, San Dolphin: *Blink, blink. Leave*  
  
Chibi Dolphin: *Goes over and picks up her broken Magick 8-Ball* Cheap toy! *Throws it away and exits the stage area*  
  
The curtains go down and the lights brighten up again. The audience is claps in approval.  
  
LoN: Thank you so much for coming to our show! We hope to see you at our next one!  
  
Everybody gets up and starts walking toward the exits. That was a strange show, I wonder what the next one will be like...  
  
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A/N: Aren't Chibi Dark Lords so KAWAII? In the next chapter I'll be sure to go back to following the original plot! Please R&R! No flames though... Tank-Ku, Buh-Byez! 


	6. Coconuts: Chapter 5 I'm Not a Witch!

Coconuts: Chapter 5  
  
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Recap: Ok, Lina was kidnapped by midgets, Gourry got lost, Zelgadis was taken away by James Bond, and Amelia and Sylphiel are shocked and speechless...yeah... ^-^;  
  
Lina: IF I COULD I'D FIREBALL YOUR ASSES TO HELL!!!  
  
We now join Lina in her effortless struggle to get free from the clutches of evil little Midgets wearing Zebra costumes. Presently, the Midgets have just pimped off Lina to a group of desperate villagers in need for a witch!  
  
Villagers: A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!  
  
Lina: Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! ;_;  
  
VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch. May we burn her?  
  
CROWD: Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!  
  
BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?  
  
VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.  
  
CROWD: Right! Yeah! Yeah!  
  
BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.  
  
Lina: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.  
  
BEDEVERE: Uh, but you are dressed as one.  
  
Lina: They dressed me up like this.  
  
CROWD: Augh, we didn't! We didn't...  
  
Lina: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.  
  
BEDEVERE: Well?  
  
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.  
  
BEDEVERE: The nose?  
  
VILLAGER #1: And the hat, but she is a witch!  
  
VILLAGER #2: Yeah!  
  
CROWD: We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!  
  
BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this?  
  
VILLAGER #1: No!  
  
VILLAGER #2 and 3: No. No.  
  
VILLAGER #2: No.  
  
VILLAGER #1: No.  
  
VILLAGERS #2 and #3: No.  
  
VILLAGER #1: Yes.  
  
VILLAGER #2: Yes.  
  
VILLAGER #1: Yes. Yeah, a bit.  
  
VILLAGER #3: A bit.  
  
VILLAGERS #1 and #2: A bit.  
  
VILLAGER #3: A bit.  
  
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.  
  
Lina: You wish!  
  
RANDOM: *Cough*  
  
BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?  
  
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.  
  
Lina: -_-;  
  
BEDEVERE: A newt?  
  
VILLAGER #3: *Pause* I got better.  
  
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!  
  
Lina: Nuuuuuu! Neva!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*MEANWHILE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gourry: Awww, guys? Where are you?  
  
Strange Guy: Ah! There you are Herbert!  
  
Gourry: Huh? Who's Erberk? And...Who are you?  
  
Strange Guy: Don't play dumb wih' me! YOU'RE Herbert, and I'M YOU'RE father!  
  
Gourry: Woah!...O.O  
  
Father: Now, follow me! We av' to make sure you're ready for your big day!  
  
Gourry: Big day?  
  
Father: Your wedding!  
  
Gourry: Oh! ^-^ ...WHAT?!? O.O  
  
Father: Ugh! *Grabs Gourry and walks off with him*  
  
Gourry: Ahhhhhhhhh! Lina, save me!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Yay! I altered the script a bit, but only so it would suit the characters! The next one is gonna go off into the other peeps so hold tight! I'd appreciate reviews but no flames please. Tank-Ku, Buh-Byez! 


	7. Coconuts: Chapter 6 Captured

Coconuts: Chapter 6  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Recap: Lina is being framed as a witch and Gourry's mind has been severely warped. Some guy came along and told him he was his father and that he also was his son Herbert. Gourry's so stupid he probably believed him...so...go figure.  
  
Amelia: ...  
  
Sylphiel: ...  
  
Amelia: ...  
  
Sylphiel: ...  
  
Amelia: ...  
  
Sylphiel: What just happened?  
  
Amelia: ...  
  
Sylphiel: Miss Amelia?  
  
Amelia: ...  
  
Sylphiel: Amelia!  
  
Amelia: P-p-poor Mr. Zelgadis...  
  
Sylphiel: *Sigh*  
  
Amelia: What should we do?  
  
Sylphiel: I don't know, did you see the size of their guns? (I'm making it so they know what guns are, so THERE! Hahahahahaha!)  
  
Amelia: Oh, come on Sylphiel! Let's do for Justice!!!  
  
Sylphiel: Right Amelia! For JUSTICE! (So sue me if it's OOC...)  
  
So, Amelia and Sylphiel set off in pursuit to find out where the Big Bulky Guys took Zelgadis!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Some room...Somewhere~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Zelgadis: Lemme outta here! Somebody, ANYBODY, HEEELP!  
  
Big Bulky Guy #1 (AKA: BBG#1): Shaddap!  
  
Zelgadis:..........HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!  
  
Big Bulky Guy #2 (AKA: BBG#2): Be quiet or we'll make a bag outta ya!  
  
Zelgadis: *Gulp*  
  
James Bond: Now, let's pick up where we last left off, hm?  
  
Zelgadis: I promise you I don't know anything you're talking about!!!  
  
James Bond: I don't believe you...  
  
Zelgadis: It's cause I'm made of rocks...isn't it? ;_; (I think OOC is funny!)  
  
James Bond: Nooooooooooo...^-^;  
  
Zelgadis: Then is it the blue skin?  
  
James Bond: No! *Gags him* Now SHUTUP!  
  
Zelgadis: MMMMMMPH!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Now back to Lina!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
CROWD: Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...  
  
Lina: GAAAAAH!  
  
BEDEVERE: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.  
  
VILLAGER #1: Are there?  
  
VILLAGER #2: Ah?  
  
VILLAGER #1: What are they?  
  
CROWD: Tell us! Tell us!...  
  
BEDEVERE: Tell me, what do you do with witches?  
  
VILLAGER #2: Burn!  
  
VILLAGER #1: Burn!  
  
CROWD: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...  
  
BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?  
  
VILLAGER #1: More witches!  
  
VILLAGER #3: Shh!  
  
VILLAGER #2: Wood!  
  
BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn? *Pause*  
  
VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?  
  
BEDEVERE: Good! Heh heh.  
  
CROWD: Oh yeah. Oh.  
  
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?  
  
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.  
  
BEDEVERE: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?  
  
VILLAGER #1: Oh, yeah.  
  
RANDOM: Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...  
  
BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?  
  
VILLAGER #1: No. No.  
  
VILLAGER #2: No, it floats! It floats!  
  
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!  
  
Lina: NOOOOOOOOO! I don't wanna get wet! ;_;  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~MEANWHILE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Amelia + Sylphiel: *Peeping from behind a tree*  
  
Sylphiel: Are you sure this is the right place Amelia?  
  
Amelia: Yeah, well...that's at least what the sign says!  
  
Sylphiel: Sign? *Looks at the tall house in front of them* Ohhhhhh!  
  
On the house is a big sign with neon letters reading: "James Bond's Secret Hideout!"  
  
Sylphiel: That would make sense...  
  
Amelia: Ok, so how are we gonna get in?  
  
Sylphiel: *Facefault* I thought YOU new!  
  
Amelia: I didn't plan this far ahead. I thought we'd be ambushed by now!  
  
Suddenly, two MORE Big Bulky Guys come popping out of the shadows.  
  
BBG#3: You thought right!  
  
The BBG's Grab Amelia and Sylphiel and drag them off...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Ah! What's gonna happen to Amelia and Sylphiel? Why is Zelgadis so OOC? Where the heck is Gourry and...Will Lina be burnt alive? O.O!!! Reviews would be very nice, but no flames please! Tank-Ku, Buh-Byez! 


	8. Coconuts: Chapter 7 FREEEEEEEDOM!

Coconuts: Chapter 7  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Recap: Zelgadis was insulted and questioned, Amelia and Sylphiel got caught trying to sneak in to save Zel, and Lina about to be thrown into a pond! Sucks for Lina...  
  
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!  
  
CROWD: The pond! Throw her into the pond!  
  
Lina: NOOOOOOOOO! I don't wanna get wet! ;_;  
  
BEDEVERE: Hold it, hold it! What also floats in water?  
  
VILLAGER #1: Bread!  
  
VILLAGER #2: Apples!  
  
VILLAGER #3: Uh, very small rocks!  
  
VILLAGER #1: Cider!  
  
VILLAGER #2: Uh, gra-- gravy!  
  
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!  
  
VILLAGER #2: Mud!  
  
VILLAGER #3: Churches! Churches!  
  
VILLAGER #2: Lead! Lead!  
  
KING ARTHUR: *Comes trotting up* A duck!  
  
Lina: Who the heck is this guy?  
  
CROWD: Oooh.  
  
BEDEVERE: Exactly. So, logically...  
  
Lina: *Twitch* And they're gonna listen to him?!?  
  
VILLAGER #1: If...she...weighs...the same as a duck,...she's made of wood.  
  
BEDEVERE: And therefore?  
  
Lina: No!...  
  
VILLAGER #2: A witch!  
  
VILLAGER #1: A witch!  
  
CROWD: A witch! A witch!...  
  
VILLAGER #4: Here is a duck. Use this duck.  
  
Duck: Quack quack quack!!!  
  
BEDEVERE: We shall use my largest scales.  
  
CROWD: Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...  
  
BEDEVERE: Right. Remove the supports!  
  
*whomp*  
  
*clunk*  
  
*Creak...Scales level out*  
  
CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch!  
  
Lina: Nuuuuuuuuuuuu! I am NOT!!! THESE THINGS ARE JINXED! JIIIINXED!!!  
  
VILLAGER #3: Burn her!  
  
CROWD: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!...  
  
Filia: *Comes zooming up* Wait a second! *Pant, pant, wheeze* She's...notta...witch!!!  
  
CROWD: *Blink* Another witch! Burn them both! Burn them! Burn! Burn!  
  
Filia: O.O Whaaaaa? Grrrrrr...  
  
Lina: Dammit...  
  
Filia: *Turns into a Dragon* Burn will I? I'll show you burn!!! *Starts destroying the town*  
  
Lina: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~LATER~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lina: Thanks for getting me outta that mess Filia!  
  
Filia: Oh, you're welcome!  
  
Lina: But...You really didn't have to destroy the WHOLE town to do it.  
  
Filia: *Sweatdrop* Yes, well, uh...  
  
Lina: Nevermind...We better find the others.  
  
Filia: Right!  
  
Both: *Run off into the forest*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Back to Amelia and Sylphiel~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Both: *Being dragged off by more Big Bulky Guys*  
  
Amelia: Ahhhhh! No! Wait!  
  
Sylphiel: Help!  
  
BBG#3: Stop squirming, if you keep it up we'll have to hurt you.  
  
Amelia + Sylphiel: O_O  
  
Amelia: *Whispers* Sylphiel...kick him...  
  
Sylphiel: *Whispers back* Where?  
  
Amelia: You know, where it hurts...  
  
Sylphiel: Where's that?  
  
Amelia: You know...  
  
Sylphiel: I do?  
  
Amelia: Think!  
  
Sylphiel: Uh...  
  
Amelia: ...kick him in the Coconuts...  
  
Sylphiel: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!  
  
Both: *Kick*  
  
BBG#3+4: o.O...*Censored, not appropriate, adults only...*  
  
Amelia + Sylphiel: *Run like the wind!!!*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~James Bond's Secret Hideout~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
After being gagged, drown, burned, scratched, deafened by old people music, eaten by Kirbys, beaten by little children, tickled by talking peanuts, and all around TORTURED to death...Zelgadis has not been able to give James Bond the information he needs.  
  
BBG#1: Boss, maybe he's telling the truth. Maybe he really ISN'T a spy...  
  
James Bond: Maybe...but we still don't know.  
  
Zelgadis: Oh come ON! *Major heatmark* WHAT MORE CAN YOU DO TO ME?!? I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THIS GUY YOU'RE AFTER!!! JUST LET ME GOOOOOOooooooooo...to...the bathroom!  
  
All: ...  
  
James Bond: Uhhh, ok. I guess...  
  
Zelgadis: *Thinking* Yeeeeeesssssss!  
  
BBG#2: *Leads him to the bathroom* Make it fast! We're on a schedule!  
  
Zelgadis: *Bid cheesy grin* Ok!  
  
BBG#2: *Leaves*  
  
Zelgadis: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Locks the bathroom door* Now, there's gotta be a window...a-HA! *Opens the window and climbs out* FREE! FREEEE! FREEEEE I TELL YOU! HAHAHAHAHAAA! *Starts to run off, bumps into something* Damn...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Awwwwww, poor Zel. I wonder who he bumped into...hee hee. R&R plz, but no flames. I want to thank you all for reviewing! It makes me feel special!!! : P Buh-Byez! 


	9. Coconuts: Chapter 8 Llamas?

Coconuts: Chapter 8  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Recap:...Poor Zelgadis...  
  
Zelgadis: Oh no, not YOU!  
  
Xellos: Hello!  
  
Zelgadis: Why?!? Of all the people on the Earth...why did I have to run into you?!?  
  
L-sama: *Heard from above* I have to have Zelas visit more often! *Hiccup*  
  
Zelgadis: *Blank look*...  
  
Xellos: What a strange day we've been having...  
  
Zelgadis: Ya think?  
  
Xellos: No, seriously. I was asked to join a gang of Wild Mexican Llamas earlier.  
  
Zelgadis: They should have spit on you...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~To wherever Lina and Filia are~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lina + Filia: *Running through a thick forest*  
  
Lina: STUPID FOREST! Why do you have to be in my way?!?  
  
Filia: Now, Miss Lina, that is no way to talk to the trees!  
  
Lina: LIKE THEY CARE!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Now to Amelia and Sylphiel~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Amelia + Sylphiel: *Ironically also running through a forest*  
  
Amelia: Hurry up Miss Sylphiel! I thought I heard some shouting from up ahead!  
  
Sylphiel: *Cries back to her pathetically* Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!  
  
Irritable Voice: FIREBALL!!!  
  
Amelia: I knew it!  
  
Amelia + Filia: *Come busting out of some nearby bushes*  
  
Amelia: MISS LINA!  
  
Lina: *Screeches to a halt* A-m-e-l-i-a?  
  
Filia: *Also stops *  
  
Sylphiel: And me too!  
  
Lina: Yeah, well, nobody cares about you.  
  
Sylphiel: Oh...I understand.  
  
Filia: No comment.  
  
Lina: Since we're all here, we should start looking for the Gourry and Zel.  
  
All: *Agree*  
  
*Suddenly, because the Author is bored and feels like doing something very random, a giant flying Tiger Striped Llama comes diving outta nowhere and swoops up Lina*  
  
All:..........  
  
Amelia: Maybe, if we just walk away, we can all pretend that didn't happen and go looking for the guys...  
  
Filia: Uh-huh...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Up into the sky with Lina!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lina: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET GO OF ME YOU STUPID FLYING FUTURE HAMBUGER!  
  
Llama: Miiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
Lina: DON'T "MIAH" ME YOU UGLY ENTRE!  
  
Llama: Miiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
Lina: I SAID STOP!  
  
Llama: Miiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
Lina: If I wasn't so immovable-like, I'D EAT YOU!  
  
Llama: Miiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
Lina: AND-And...hey...the breeze does feel pretty good...it kinda makes me feel like I can fly!  
  
Peter Pan: *Comes out of a cloud* You can fly!  
  
Lina: I can fly?  
  
Peter Pan: You can fly!  
  
Lina: I can fly!  
  
Peter Pan: She can fly!  
  
Lina: I can fly!  
  
Peter Pan: That's right!  
  
Llama: *Drops Lina*  
  
Lina: I CAN F--*Looks down*--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!!! *Bang, crash, smack* Owwwwwwwwwww...  
  
Llama: *Sticks tongue out at Lina* Pitiful human...  
  
Lina: O.o?!?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~On to Gourry, FINALY!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A-ha! Yes, I know all of you Gourry fans may have been waiting very patiently for Gourry to come back into the script and I have finally found the time to do this part...so...Let me tell you about the scene! Gourry is seen laying in a bed wearing a very strange white getup. He's blissfully enjoying a peaceful nap in a foreign bed which he does not yet realize he is sleeping in!...  
  
Gourry: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!  
  
*A man comes walking into the room*  
  
The Man That Just Came Walking Into The Room: Herbert! Herbert wake up!  
  
Gourry: Huh? What? *Blinks a couple of times and looks down at himself* EEEEEEEEEEEEEP! I've been synchronized!  
  
The Man That Just Came Walking Into The Room: Eh...*Sweatmark* No, Herbert, you've jus' been changed into yeh wedding clothes.  
  
Gourry: Hey I remember you! You're my "Father" that I never knew I had!  
  
The "Father": ...Enough wih' these silly games! I 'ave somethin' to show yeh!  
  
Gourry: *Hops up* Ok daddy! *Giggles*  
  
Father: *Walks over to the window with Gourry and looks out of it* One day, lad, this'll all be yours! *Points out the window to the swampland surrounding the castle they're in*  
  
Gourry: What, the curtains?  
  
Father: No. Not the' curtains, lad. All tha' yeh can see, stretched ou' over the' hills and valleys of thes' land! This'll be your kingdom, lad  
  
Gourry: But mother-  
  
Father: Father, lad. Father.  
  
Gourry: B-- b-- but Father, I don't want any of that.  
  
Father: Listen, lad. I built thes' kingdom up from nothing. When I started 'ere, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft teh build a castle on a swamp, bu' I built it all the' same, jus' to show 'em. It sank in the' swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank in the' swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over', then sank inteh' the' swamp. But the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the' strongest castle in these islands.  
  
Gourry: But I don't want any of that. I'd rather-  
  
Father: Rather wha'?  
  
Gourry: I'd rather *Insert corny music here*...just...sing!  
  
Father: O.o...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Wow, I finally updated this thing. Sorry for the wait. n_n; I've been really busy with school and stuff. I'd greatly appreciate it if you R&R! Tank-ku Buh-Byez! 


	10. Coconuts: Coffee Break

Coconuts: Coffee Break  
  
A/N: You must be wondering why I'm doing a "Coffee Break" instead of a Mini Chibi Magickal Theatre! Well, you see, after the 8-ball incident all the little chibi Dark Lords got mad at each other and blew up the theatre...Because of this I had to hit my head on my bedroom wall several times before coming up with a new "In Between" chapter...And now I have a very bad headache. I think that's all...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
For many months now The Slayers have been busily performing in "Coconuts" and have finally gotten a REAL break from all the hard work.  
  
Lina: Of all the freakin' things to be abducted by, I just HAD to be swooped up by a Llama! I should sue...  
  
Zelgadis: Oh, don't pull a muscle...  
  
Lina: Screw you rock man!  
  
Zelgadis: *Heatmark* I'm just saying that we all have had weird things happen to us in this story! For God's sake, I was captured by James Bond!  
  
Sylphiel: Yeah, and the Author hates me! *Is suddenly crushed by a boulder* (Muahahahahaha!)  
  
Xellos: Well, I JUST entered the story!  
  
Filia: *Reading the "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" script* Some of the things we're doing isn't even relevant to the original movie...And who's gonna be this Tim the Enchanter person?  
  
Gourry: Oh! I know! I know who! I over heard the author talking to her friend about it!  
  
All: Who is it?  
  
Gourry:...I forgot!  
  
All: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Lina: I wonder where Amelia is?  
  
Zelgadis: I heard her in the bathroom reviewing her lines for the upcoming chapter.  
  
Lina: Oh?  
  
Sylphiel: *Bleeding...very badly*  
  
Filia: Do you think the Author's killing Sylphiel so she wont have to be in the future chapters?  
  
Lina: *Opens up her script* No, if you look here on "Scene 24" you see that she has an actual role.  
  
Filia: *Looking at her script* Oooooh...here it is.  
  
Zelgadis: I think the Author is plotting something really evil.  
  
Gourry: Why do you think that?  
  
Zelgadis: Well, have you ever noticed that we don't have the complete script yet? We have everything up until The Bridge of Death, but have yet to receive the rest of our story.  
  
Lina: *Gasps* You're right Zel! Do you think she's waiting for the very last minute before she gives them to us so we wont know what's going to happen?!?  
  
All:...  
  
*A tumbleweed rolls across the room*  
  
All: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Filia: Of course the Author wouldn't do that! She has no right to be keeping secrets from her cast!  
  
Lina: But how can we be so sure?  
  
Gourry: I have an idea!!!!!  
  
Zelgadis: That's a new one...  
  
Gourry: Why don't we rise up and revolt! We can create an Anti-Plot!!!  
  
All: o.O  
  
*A few tumbleweeds roll across the room. Nothing can be heard except Sylphiel choking and gagging, and the occasional hacking blood up noises*  
  
Zelgadis: That may be the smartest idea I've ever heard from Gourry...  
  
Xellos: *Is sitting on top of the boulder that is currently crushing Sylphiel* Oh really? I wouldn't mind an Anti-Plot!  
  
Lina: Ok then, WE'RE HAVING AN ANTI-PLOT!  
  
Filia: But we have to make sure the Author doesn't know about it for awhile...so let's keep quiet for the most of it.  
  
All: Ok!  
  
Amelia: *Walks into the room* What's going on? Did I miss anything?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


End file.
